Parents Are Sharing The Things They Did With Their First Child That They’ll Never Do With Their Second, And I’m Taking Notes

When you’re a first-time parent, you’re learning on the job — and frequently by failing. Recently, Reddit user Gonnoisseur asked the r/Parenting subreddit what things they did with their first kid that they’d never do with the second (and beyond) — and the responses were definitely enlightening…

1.“I kept a log of feedings detailing which breast, starting time, and finish time. It didn’t make me anxious, but was completely unnecessary and the notebook looks like the journal of someone going mad.”

—TheSingingSea_

2.“Not kill myself trying to breastfeed. When I finally switched to exclusively formula feeding at six months, I became so much happier.”

—instant_karma__

3.“That bloody leap app. Never ever again! That thing made me so anxious.”

—lolrin

4.“With parenting my second child, I’m more mindful of what I say. Like, instead of ‘be careful,’ I say, ‘do what feels safe.’ They’re close in age, 3 and 4, but wildly different kids.”

—Fragrant_Summer_7223

5.“My first kid went to SO many lessons and paid activities as a toddler/baby. Such a waste of money before they’re at least preschool age.”

—Julienbabylegs

6.“I was more go with the flow. My first took naps at home, dark room, sound machine, etc. The second kid slept wherever we were. The park, the library, the car, Disneyland…you name it, she probably napped there.”

—DensePhrase265

7.“With our first, we thought we were being great parents by always playing with them, constantly. Always setting up games and activities. Now, our eldest isn’t great at entertaining herself. The second time around, we let self-play develop and encouraged it. Now our youngest plays with her dolls by herself for ages and makes up her own games and entertainment. Such an important skill we totally overlooked, thinking we were being fantastic new parents.”

—FredmarklarFredmarklar

8.“We skipped sippy cups. Went straight from bottle to straw with lid.”

—Lemonbar19

9.“Let toxic family around. I excused their behavior a lot with my first because I wanted him to have relationships with others. I’ve realized I’d rather he have fewer healthy people in his life than a bunch of toxic ones.”

—Aggressive_Plant7983

10.“Training wheels. We had our oldest on a ‘balance bike’ as a toddler. He was amazing on that thing — gliding and speeding everywhere. Fully confident. But when he outgrew his little balance bike, we were too nervous to move him over to a regular pedal bike, not trusting in his skills or abilities. So, we introduced training wheels. He immediately lost all sense of balance/control and depended entirely on the training wheels to keep him upright. He lost all confidence as well, and breaking him from his dependence on the training wheels was SO HARD.”

—canadasokayestmom

11.“Let her sleep with a bottle. I will forever hate myself for not knowing falling asleep with a bottle could give my big girl cavities. My poor practice child.”

—Future-Ad7266

12.“Making special food for them. My oldest had the pickiest phase and it was all because we kept making his food apart from ours and only what he liked. We were going crazy until one day we said fuck it and started giving him exactly what we eat (with some modifications, and we still make some of his fave comfort foods here and there), and now he eats pretty much everything. No more kids’ menus at restaurants or carrying food from home, and people are always so surprised at how well he eats. So definitely not making the same mistake with my second!”

—CricketInevitable581

13.“Introduce screen time too early.”

—Additional_Read3053

14.“I’m gonna try to be less anxious about messes. I didn’t let my first feed herself and I always wiped her down when she was even a little dirty because I have a sensory disorder and it just bothers me, but that caused problems with her not wanting to touch dirt or eat messy things. Has to use a utensil to eat everything. It’s stressing me out. My second is due in January, and I’m gonna just give them baby food at 6 months and let them go for it. I’ll clean the house after, we can do extra baths, but I just feel like it will be better for the child to explore with all their senses.”

—Think-Departure-5054

15.“Pacifier. The nurse put it in my firstborn’s mouth on day one and it took us a year to get rid of it. For the second-born, I never introduced it. Best decision. I lost a ton of sleep when my baby used to wake up crying four times a night because he couldn’t find his pacifier in his crib (despite us putting five in there!).”

—NewbieRedditor_20

16.“I feel like I was too strict with my first, leaving him alone to cry himself to sleep and not letting him sleep with us, and now it’s almost like I’ve had to work on reversing it a little because he doesn’t share when he’s feeling sad or scared. So with my second, I’ve been less strict. It’s all about finding a balance.”

—Able-Note2160

17.“Hover. With my firstborn, I was always five feet away, afraid of letting her fall or stumble. Part of learning is falling and getting back up. My second, my son, is reckless and a total daredevil, and he is left to himself to figure stuff out. I don’t hover and stop his failures.”

—duhhhhstin

18.“I worried so much about those milestones and if my kid was meeting them. It was not good for my mental health and everything turned out fine.”

—No_Director574

19.“My focus this time is really protecting myself postpartum so I can recover the fastest. Also, I’m figuring out a work situation that’s sustainable, as I got pretty burnt out returning to work at an unmanageable pace after a 12-week leave.”

—unlimitedtokens

If you’re a parent, what’s something you did with your first that you would never do again? Share in the comments or the anonymous form below!