Older People Are Holding Nothing Back About The Most Shocking Parts Of Getting Old

Aging comes with plenty of changes — some you can see coming, others take you by surprise. On Quora, people revealed what shocked them most about getting older, from shrinking social circles to new aches and pains to unexpected joys.

Here are some of their most candid reflections:

1.“The most surprising thing? The losses you face. I’m nearly 86 and still in good health, but my world is shrinking. My younger brother died several years ago; I have many memories of us growing up together. My wife of 60 years died over three years ago; I miss her terribly. My mentor as a graduate student died about six months ago. Again, the memories of six months of field work in Antarctica with him stay fixed in my mind. A dear friend died of breast cancer about a month ago. I knew her for 35 years through thick and thin. Her husband, another close friend, has been taken by his family to an assisted living facility in Logan, Utah; I’ll probably never see him again. My circle of friends and relatives is growing small. A long life has its advantages, but one’s world and one’s place in this world get smaller with each passing month.”

—Charles G., Quora

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2.“As a careful planner, I’m surprised by what a crapshoot this getting older business is, and how it can’t really be planned for. I’ve lost friends and family who dropped dead before sixty. And then there are those who lived into their nineties despite smoking, drinking, and poor lifestyles. So now I see I need a plan that will cover me whether I die next week or twenty years from now. If I’m going to last another twenty years, I’d better save money, eat carefully, and get as much exercise as I can tolerate. On the other hand, if I knew I were going to die next week, I’d spend money, eat steak, drink some single malt scotch, and eat a lot of ice cream. I’d just do whatever the hell I feel like.”

“What kind of plan covers both? I don’t want to run out of money and health and then go on to live to ninety. And I don’t want to live carefully only to die with a pile of money and nothing but work and austerity in my memories.

It feels impossible.”

—Nicola C., Quora

3.Looking back, I realize that I’d been warned. I just didn’t listen. I’m going to turn 80 next summer, and I’ve been lucky in that my health is still pretty good. But my friends and contemporaries are just dropping away. My grandmother died at 89, and the running joke between my brother and me is that we figured she’d be damned if she was going to be 90. But what she used to complain about was losing her friends. When she died, they’d all preceded her. She was lonely. There was nobody left that she had shared memories with.

“And it’s happening to me. I’ll see stuff that makes me think of a friend and realize that they’re not around to share it with. Old friends, former lovers, authority figures who made a difference in my life…all gone. ‘Like tears in rain.’”

—Rik E., Quora

4.“What has surprised me most about getting older is that I’m still attracted to women of my own age. At 30, I couldn’t have imagined being attracted to a 70-year-old woman. Yet here I am at 74, and I find women in their 70s just as attractive as if we had first met at 19 at Woodstock! It’s as though my perception of beauty and physical attractiveness has aged right along with me, keeping me balanced and in sync with my peers. This discovery has been both a pleasant surprise and a relief. Not sure I’d have the patience to explain to a younger woman who The Who was.”

—Mark G., Quora

5.“I’ve been surprised by how easy it is to become mindless and numb. When I was a child, my life was busy. There were never enough answers to my questions. Imagination and ideas were infinite. No matter how many times I explored the nooks and crannies of my house, I could do it again and again. Being bored was rare. The second I opened my eyes, I was on the go. Excited to wake up, reluctant to go to sleep. Now, as an adult, my life is busy — but not the same kind of busy.”

“As I’ve aged, waking up has become harder. Many days, I wasn’t excited at all; going back to sleep felt like my number one goal.

I can’t pinpoint when my creativity and curiosity dulled. It was a gradual change, the kind adults warned me of. Teachers would say, ‘I hope you never lose your smile.’ I thought, ‘Why would I stop smiling?’

I stopped smiling.

It surprised me how much I allowed the world to beat me down.

I don’t blame anyone, not even myself. It just happened.

Once I realized, I began trying hard to prevent it from happening again. I’ve got more aging ahead, and I refuse to fall prey to routine, boredom, and false comfort.

Fortunately, one gift of aging is learning how easy it can be to take back control — and change your life.”

—Rose K., Quora

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6.“The urgency I feel. To do everything I’ve always wanted to do that I have any reasonable chance of doing. Unfortunately, many of these things have now been stricken from my list, due mostly to time’s swift passage. I’m three months from 75. Actuarial tables give me a 50% chance of making another eleven. I think of all the experiences that I would like to have had and understand now how few I will ever realize. This is due to both the pressure of time and the limitless range of possibilities.”

—Mick W., Quora

7.“How things can change rapidly. When I was 56, I got my yearly physical, and the doctor said I was in the top one percent of people for everything. My cholesterol, triglycerides, blood sugar, fat content, strength, blood pressure, and stress test — all of it. Not just the top one percent for my age, but the top one percent of everyone. I expected to age gracefully. I was pretty cocky, thinking I was going to stay the fittest of the fit.”

“But a couple of years later, I got sick and developed what was called post-viral syndrome. It eventually went away, but then came back, as bad as ever. I randomly get the shakes. I have snapped my bicep and my hamstring while doing nothing, because of muscle cramps. I never know when it will strike. I am still active, I haven’t stopped doing anything, but I am not in the top fifty percent of healthy people anymore.

I thought the decline would be much more subtle, not so abrupt. But the longer you live, the more likely you are to have bad things happen to you. If you want to enjoy life, you take the lemons and make lemonade. I drink a lot of lemonade.”

—Bob W., Quora

8.“I’m surprised by how much more time I’ve had for reading. That is something I have really enjoyed. Also, I failed to understand how much energy I would continue to have, even as far out as my current 75.”

—Mick W., Quora

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9.“The biggest surprise is how fast it all went. As you age, time accelerates. Once you’ve hit 50, it really begins to pick up speed. Soon you’re 60, age spots appear, things hurt when you get out of bed, and birthdays come by every few months. It’s a weird thing. I just turned 69, but I expect to be 70 any day now. Scientists explain that every day in an older person’s life is a smaller percentage of the whole, so it goes faster (or something along those lines). It’s like a haywire Disney ride.”

“The only thing to do is get the most — and I mean The Most — out of every day and night. You won’t believe how fast it goes. Visit with those you love, take that trip, and spend some money. Above all, live. Time and love are precious; don’t waste either.”

—Anita P., Quora

10.“I will turn 65 in a few months, and what surprises me is how long it takes to recover from anything. I’m fit and healthy for my age, or so the doctor says. My weight is where it should be, slight potbelly aside. But if I spend hours hiking, gardening, or biking, afterward I’m wiped out. Recovery used to take an hour or two; now it takes all of the next day.”

—Sven D., Quora

11.“I guess the biggest surprise is that after retiring (I’m now 69), it’s not that I have more time to do things — it’s that everything takes more time. Dang it! For example: when I was working, I could wake up, get ready, and be out the door in 15–20 minutes. Now, just getting ready for anything takes at least 45.”

—David C., Quora

12.“Who knew how unbelievably great it is to have grandchildren? They light up my life like nothing ever before.”

—John C., Quora

13.“My biggest surprise? How little Social Security is, and how much Medicare does not pay for. I also did not plan on getting rheumatoid disease. Watching friends and family die is hard. My grandparents are all gone, my parents, all my aunts and uncles, some cousins, and far too many friends are gone or in assisted living, rehab, or nursing homes. One thing I will shout is: ALL THE SMOKERS I KNEW ARE ALREADY DEAD.”

—Heart Wings, Quora

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14.“How much it hurts. Physically. I have osteoarthritis in my knees, and it hurts to walk almost any distance. I used to walk for pure enjoyment, and now I can’t. I struggle with stairs and need to hold onto a handrail for dear life. I’m glad I did a lot of traveling while I was still mobile, and think about the time I walked the Portland Marathon, just to prove to myself I could. It breaks my heart that I can’t do that anymore. I need to get my knees replaced.”

“Update February 2025: I’m getting gel injections in my knees now, and I’m cautiously optimistic about regaining mobility. Others I know who’ve had these shots report excellent outcomes.”

—Stephanie V., Quora

And lastly, take this person’s inspiring surprise with you as we (hopefully) transition into our older years:

15.“That your heart does not grow old with you.”

Some entries have been edited for length and/or clarity.

Did something about aging take you by surprise? Let us know in the comments or by using the anonymous form below!

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