Lifestyle
Mom of 2 Asks Husband to ‘Solo Parent’ for 30 Minutes a Day. He Agrees, Then Gets Mad When She Refuses to Help Him
NEED TO KNOW
A mother of two is asking if she’s wrong for refusing to help her husband with their children for 30 minutes a day
In a post on the AITA subreddit, the original poster, 30, described a current disagreement that she’s having with her husband, 34, about taking some time away from the kids
The married couple shares two children: a 1-year-old and a 2-year-old
A mother of two is asking if she’s wrong for refusing to help her husband with their children while she cooks for their family.
In a post on the AITA subreddit, the original poster (OP), 30, described a current disagreement that she is having with her husband, 34, prefacing the story by saying that he’s aware of the post and that they aren’t “at each other’s throats” about it.
The married couple shares two children — a 1-year-old and a 2-year-old. OP explained that she works from home part-time, allowing her to devote her full attention to the children in the morning. However, in the afternoon, after the children have had their naps, she expressed that juggling work with taking care of the children is “quite difficult.”
“In the morning they get all my attention, and it’s not too bad, but in the afternoons after their naps when I’m trying to work, keep them entertained and taken care of it’s quite difficult,” she wrote. “We’re actively working on a different solution, but this is what we have to do now.”
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A stock image of a mother with her child.
OP shared that her husband comes home around 5:30 p.m., which is the time that she also gets off of work. When she’s finished with work, the working mom said she starts preparing dinner immediately.
“I hate laundry and he hates cooking, so we have an agreement that I do all the cooking and he does all the laundry and I don’t mind at all,” she began. “The only thing I ask is for him to watch the kids and keep them out of the kitchen for 20-30 mins while I get dinner ready for us all.”
The 30-year-old woman explained that it’s “always a struggle” for him to do that because he’s “tired after working all day.” However, OP continued that it’s something that she needs, so that they can keep their children out of harm’s way and she can get the job done.
Despite asking for some solo time to prepare dinner for the family, OP said that her husband still asks for help when something happens with the children.
“Tonight, I was in the middle of cooking, hands dirty, stove and oven on, and he asked if I could help change one of the kids while he held the other cause he was being fussy,” she wrote. “I told him no, that I do this all day by myself AND work, and all I need is 20 minutes to cook for everyone.”
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A stock image of a father with his child.
“He got really upset at this saying that’s not fair cause I am home now and I can stop for 5 minutes to help,” she continued. “I finally caved and helped but I feel like it’s not that much to ask for 20-30 minutes to cook.”
The mom of two added that any other time when the two of them are home together, they each are able to take breaks and relax. She emphasized that they care is “very evenly split when we’re both home” before asking if she was wrong for asking her husband to help with the kids while she prepared dinner.
Many people in the comments took the mother’s side, declaring she wasn’t in the wrong. One commenter that the father “needs to be a full parent, [and] not a helper,” suggesting she start taking more time for herself.
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A father with his child
“Those are his kids, too. It sucks to parent two tiny kids simultaneously by yourself. Sometimes parenting sucks, and he needs to be a full parent, not a helper,” the user wrote. “You need to start taking some Saturdays away from your family, leaving your husband alone with the kids. He needs to get comfortable with parenting–and to understand how insane it is that you’re doing it WHILE working.”
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Another commenter said it’s understood that her husband would need a break, but questioned when the mom of two, who also is working all day, would be able to get her own.
“So you’re balancing watching your children solo while working? That by itself is a major problem, but sounds like you’ve got a solution to that coming up,” the commenter began. “I totally understand your husband wanting a little break after work, but when is your break? You’re working all day too, watching the kids AND working.”
“You manage all day with both kids without any help from him, he can manage for 20-30 minutes,” the user added. “All that being said, I think having two toddlers is extremely difficult for both parents. You’re in survival mode, and things will get easier.”
The user concluded their message, writing, “I’m glad to hear you guys aren’t having a major argument over this and are communicating well. Keep that up and remind yourselves that this phase will pass and things will get a lot easier! Hang in there to both of you.”
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