Do you go to the bathroom in front of your significant other? For many, the answer is ‘absolutely not.’

Netflix passwords. Dessert. Toothpaste. Inside jokes. There are many things that couples share. But one that’s particularly intimate (and divisive) is sharing a bathroom — more specifically, whether or not you use the toilet in front of each other. For some couples, hell would freeze over before they ever let their partner see them pee or, worse, poop, with some calling it a romance killer. For others, it’s no big deal, saying their spouse has seen everything anyway, so witnessing some toilet time doesn’t really matter.

Jess, who asked not to give her last name, falls into the latter group. She has an open-door policy with the bathroom. “I’m sort of an open book when it comes to all of it,” the Pennsylvania resident tells Yahoo. But as the years have gone by, her husband has become increasingly less enthused about her lack of bathroom boundaries and asks her to keep the door shut. “I’m sure he’s always felt this way, but he’s really taken a turn in terms of enforcing it,” she says. “He does not like it. He says, ‘That is not an attractive thing to do.’”

She gets it, though. “It’s not like I feel strongly that it must be open — it’s just that I don’t care if the door is open,” Jess says. “I almost feel there’s only one side to this argument because his side really is correct. I just think that if one person cares and the other doesn’t, the person who doesn’t probably has to be the one to cave.”

Adolescent and family psychologist Barbara Greenberg says that how Jess’s husband feels isn’t unique — it’s actually the norm. “I would say the majority of couples are not comfortable doing the bathroom thing in front of each other because people want to associate positive smells with their partner,” Greenberg tells Yahoo. “They don’t want to be associated with certain scents and sights.”

One survey (conducted by British bathroom specialist QS Supplies) found that 32% of Americans are completely comfortable both pooping and passing gas in front of their partners, which means that the vast majority are not.

Greenberg speculates that people who use the bathroom in front of their significant other tend to be less inhibited overall, “just like certain people are more comfortable walking around naked.” She adds: “Maybe they’re less inhibited about their body and their bodily functions in general.” But not everyone wants a front-row seat to that.

‘I don’t even pee in front of him’

Katherine, who asked not to use her last name, started dating her husband when she was 19 years old, and they’ve been married for 21 years. But going to the bathroom in front of him is a boundary she won’t cross. “Absolutely not,” she tells Yahoo. “I don’t even pee in front of him. We’ve never even had a conversation about it, but it’s always been that way.”

The Texas resident says that privacy is important to her. “I can be a little bit of a private person,” she says. “I wouldn’t say we’re not vulnerable with each other, but we aren’t in that way. I’m grossed out by things like that.”

She adds: “I want to have a little bit of mystery. We don’t need to know everything about each other.”

Their solution? “We each have our own bathroom,” Katherine says. “I definitely recommend it.” Her husband started using another bathroom in their house, and then that became their norm. “I was like, ‘OK, that’s great,” she says. “‘This is my bathroom. That’s your bathroom.’ I think it also benefits him because I have products and makeup everywhere, and he doesn’t want any part of that.”

If someone were to ask Katherine her advice for new couples, she says: “I would say to have your own bathroom. I think it’s good to have your own privacy — and a little bit of mystery.”

‘I think it’s proper etiquette to close the door’

Like Jess, Lauren, who asked not to give her last name, and her husband aren’t aligned when it comes to bathroom boundaries. But in this case, their roles are reversed. “My husband never closes the door on anything,” the California resident tells Yahoo. “Sometimes I walk in and see what’s happening, and I will close the door on him. Doing No. 1 is kind of fine, but for No. 2, I’d prefer that the door is closed.”

She knows he isn’t keeping the door open intentionally — he just doesn’t think about it, she says. It’s more about basic good manners. (Even feng shui says it’s a smart move.) “I’m not a shy person at all,” she says. “I don’t feel like this is an embarrassing thing — I just think it’s proper etiquette to close the door.”

Her qualms aren’t about trying to maintain some mystery in their 13-year marriage either. “I’ve had three kids, so there’s not a lot of mystery left,” she says. Lauren likes having privacy in the bathroom. “I don’t feel like I need to be doing that in front of anyone else.”

As Greenberg points out: “Bathrooms are built with doors for a reason.”