Dave Ramsey gives blunt advice to woman who says her two adult sons still live at home

Sometimes helping too much can actually hurt.

That’s the blunt advice Dave Ramsey gave to a caller on The Ramsey Show whose two adult sons are still living at home.

Julie from Cedar Rapids, Iowa, called in about a disagreement between her and her husband as they plan their wills. Between them they have four adult children (two are his, two are hers) and Julie’s husband wants the wills to stipulate that the house be sold and the money divided between their four children.

The issue? One of each of their sons, both 34, still live in the house, and can’t afford to move out on their own if the house were to be sold.

“You’re probably not gonna like the answer,” Ramsey said. “Tell them to leave, I’m serious as a heart attack.”

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While both sons are employed, the caller says they cannot afford to move out. Ramsey pushed back: “You’re not in Manhattan!”

Julie said that they both work full time, but in low-paying jobs; one makes $17 an hour and the other makes $12 an hour.

“My God, you can make $20 [an hour] at Target,” Ramsey said.

He says Julie needs to help her sons find career coaching and work-ethic coaching, so they can get out of the house and “establish a life of some kind.”

“They’re in their 30s. This is called failure to launch. You’re doing them no favors. You need to set some deadlines with some specific, stage-gated goals.”

He suggests a six-month timeline to have them out of the house and working on establishing better paying jobs, perhaps in the trades.

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How common is this situation?

Julie’s story may sound extreme, but she’s far from alone. According to a 2024 Pew Research Center report, about a third of young adults aged 18 to 34 live with a parent. That includes:

And it’s not just a roof over their heads. The same report found that 44% of young adults received financial support from parents last year. Here’s where the money is going:

These numbers show how deeply intertwined parents’ finances can become with their adult children’s. And while 64% of parents say the help hasn’t hurt them much financially, that’s not the case for everyone. Nearly half (49%) of lower-income parents said it did at least some financial harm, a risk that only compounds if the arrangement stretches on for years.

Help your adult children find their footing

If your adult child is still living at home and you want them to move out, Ramsey’s advice may feel harsh, but it comes from a place of encouraging independence and growth. Here are steps parents can take to help their children move out and move on:

1. Set a clear, realistic timeline

Start by agreeing on a move-out deadline. Give your child six months to find higher-paying work or secure affordable housing. Put it in writing, and make it a shared goal, not a threat.

2. Help them boost their earning power

If income is the main barrier, support them in finding new or better opportunities. That might include scheduling a session with a career coach, researching local trade programs or revisiting their college’s alumni career services if applicable. Even pointing them toward a local employment center or online tools from the Department of Labor can open doors. Encourage them to cast a wide net, even a temporary role outside their comfort zone can build momentum.

3. Team them to manage their money

Before they move out, make sure they understand how to create and stick to a budget. Make sure they build a budget that includes both monthly savings and savings for an emergency fund. If your child is not contributing financially to the household, build a monthly rent payment into their budget, so that they become used to the expense. You may be inclined to let them keep all their earnings, so they can save to move out, but this may just continue a cycle of enabling them.

4. Don’t confuse love with rescue

It’s hard not to want to step in and help your adult child when they are struggling, but teaching them to stand on their own and learn resiliency will help them more in the long run. Like Ramsey said to the caller, “The most beautiful part of the whole conversation is that these young men [will] come into themselves rather than sitting in the basement… that’s an act of love.”

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This article provides information only and should not be construed as advice. It is provided without warranty of any kind.