“I’ve made six trips of over eight hours to clean out the house.” (Photo subject is a model.) – Getty Images/iStockphoto
I am mentioned in a will with one other sibling whom I haven’t spoken to in 8 years.
I know she is alive, but she has nothing to do with me or my family. I’d like to know what my rights are. I have worked for more than six months to get my elderly mother a place to live before her home was almost foreclosed on for back taxes.
I’ve made six trips of more than eight hours to clean out the house — she was a hoarder — and spent $10,000 to get the house sold. My sister has done nothing to help our mother. I got her an apartment and prepaid our mom’s rent for a year, so she wouldn’t be homeless.
My sister is in a much better financial position than I am, probably millionaire level.
Are there legal ways to remove someone from a will?
Daughter & Sister
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I’m not sure how that serves you or your mother. It seems like a pyrrhic victory. – MarketWatch illustration
Your question seems to be about morality more than money.
This sister, for reasons known only to her, has chosen to disconnect from the family. Your mother has little funds. Her house was or is in foreclosure. She needed $10,000 to help with selling costs and needed help paying her rent.
Unless there are items of sentimental value or a life-insurance policy that you have not mentioned, it appears that you want your sister off the will, perhaps as payback for not being around to help. I’m not sure how that serves you or your mother. It seems like a pyrrhic victory.
You have been around to help your mother, but rather than view it as a negative (the lack of input from your sister and time you have taken out of your own life) why not see it as a positive (you were able to be of service to your mother and spend time with her).
Even if you were your mother’s power of attorney and charged with handling her financial affairs, you would not have the legal right to remove your sister from your mother’s will, assuming she is mentioned as a beneficiary.
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You could put your case and reasoning to your mother, but is this something she would want or need to deal with right now? She may be acutely aware that her other daughter is nowhere to be seen, and it probably causes her a great deal of hurt.
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“Unfortunately, even if you go that route, your child may decide to contest the will based on the assertion that you would never have taken that action of your own free will and that your estate plan is defective for some reason,” says Weinstein & Randisi, a Rochester, N.Y.-based law firm.
“They may or may not be successful, but it’s bound to tie up your estate and prevent it from being settled for a while,” the law firm says. An “in terrorem” or “no contest” clause also means that, if someone contests the will, they are automatically disinherited.
If your mother were to disinherit her adult daughter voluntarily, it would be best to mention her by name that she has been disinherited, leave them a token amount and/or include a “no contest” clause — if they sue, they automatically forfeit the right to inherit.
Children may be disinherited for several reasons, including if the parent is truly estranged from their child, if the child has suffered from addiction, and/or if the parent believes that one child has enough money, while the other child has no need for financial assistance.
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I often receive letters from parents who are hurt and angry and who wish to disinherit their children (sometimes with good reason). It should be something that the parent raises without prompting. This woman said she had been estranged from her daughter for 20 years.
“She makes no contact, nor do I contact her, and I have not seen my grandchildren during all that time, nor my great-grandchildren,” she wrote. “When I pass I intend to leave her and her immediate family with nothing.” Clearly, there was a lot of hurt and disappointment there.
A study published in the Journal of Marriage and Family surveyed a nationally representative sample of more than 16,000 people and found that 6% of respondents reported an estrangement from their mothers, while 26% reported an estrangement from their fathers.
After all that blood, sweat and tears, some parent-child relationships end up in a place of anger, resentment and silence. That is not the case with your mother, who has one good child — you — who has been there for her, and offered her time and money.
But if your sister were included in the will, from the few details you gave in your letter about your mother’s finances, you would only get a token amount. A healthier and happier option: Focus on the people who are in your life — your mother — rather than those who are not.
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