I give my married daughter way more money than my single son and I worry he’ll resent me for it. What do I do?

You love your children. After all, each of them is wonderful in their own way. You enjoy visiting each of them and watching as their lives unfold.

But let’s say you and your spouse, both 68 and retired, have started offering financial assistance to your adult daughter and her growing family. Only now, you’re wondering if that show of support could sow resentment in your son, who is single and lives on his own.

It’s a common scenario for many parents. In terms of gifts, you spend about three times more on your daughter and grandchild than on your son. Although he doesn’t need any financial support, as parents, you may feel the itch to make things fair.

Whenever you give your adult children gifts, it’s entirely up to you on how to divvy them up. There is no right or wrong way. But if you want to avoid potential resentment between the siblings, working to make things fair could help.

Even if your children don’t seem too bothered, their angst could be building beneath the surface.

According to a Multidisciplinary Digital Publishing Institute (MDPI) study, “children perceive it as fair when parents treat them equally to their siblings.” If things aren’t deemed equal, some children may take different approaches in rationalizing their feelings.

For example, one child might rationalize that the other needed more financial support than they did. Or they might think their parents got along better with their other siblings. Or they might allow feelings of perceived unfairness to fester into full-blown resentment, leading to family rifts down the road.

Of course, the reaction varies based on the child and the situation. It’s up to the parents to decide how they’d like to support their children, which might look different for each child. With enough foresight, parents can assuage these feelings by attempting to keep things fair.

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\If you are concerned about your son getting the short end of the stick, consider a triage approach, and most importantly, communicate.