Former Inmates Shared Secrets About What Being In Prison Is Really Like, And I Have No Words

A while back, people from the BuzzFeed Community and on Reddit revealed what it’s actually like to be incarcerated based on their experience (or the experience of others they know) — and their responses range from shocking to utterly heartbreaking. Here are some of the most eye-opening ones:

1.“The guards can decide an inmate can’t have something whenever they feel like it. Even though it’s something they’ve been getting and having all the time. I would bring my mother things I know for a fact she was allowed to have because I read the list a million times over. But after standing in line forever, you get to the window and give them the stuff. They will give back the things she suddenly isn’t allowed to have, but could, like, a week before. All because they feel like it and would take whatever they wanted.”

“I was told more than once that they would open what I gave her and take things. They took brand new no-name sneakers I got for her because I guess they wanted them more. I would get her a replacement pair, and they would take those, too. I got her a third pair, and she finally got them because it was a different guard.”

—pullhandlesupnotout

2.“Jail sucks. I wouldn’t have survived if my husband hadn’t sent me books every few days. I was in jail for six months, and books were the only thing we had. I had read hundreds of books by the time I left. I had stacks in my cell from floor to ceiling, and I would rent them out to the women in my pod for things they made, like Jolly Rancher wrapper picture frames, drawings, soap sculptures, ramen, etc. When I left, I gave the women all my books, and you would have thought I gave them each $5,000 or something.”

“The library only had maybe 1,000 books, so if you’re in there long enough, you go through them in no time; you end up reading things you don’t even wanna read. I was never a big reader before jail, but it’s one thing I’ve continued to do outside of those jail walls — that and using the coping skills I was forced to learn out of desperation. But if you ever need to get rid of books, donate them to a county jail. They will get read and be appreciated by everyone who picks them up. I promise you. They will go to good use. To this day, I donate books to the county jail because I understand what it’s like. Also, not every person in jail is a bad person. You learn quickly that even the smartest, nicest, and most promising people end up in bad situations that land them there. So, you learn to be mindful and never judge a book by its cover.”

—emmajeanl2

3.“My ex was in Rikers a few times and also upstate. Phone calls and commissary are expensive because the companies the prison contracts with are price-gougers. Inmates are often transferred to another prison without notice, and the guards toss everything in their cell when they do — letters, photos, etc. You completely lose your agency in there. When inmates leave, they don’t know how to run their own lives. It’s a shame because most people serving time get out and have to live in society with us. You’d think we’d want them prepared to take on life’s challenges so they don’t offend again. But in America, prison is not rehabilitative; it’s punitive.”

“Compare that to Norway, where you live basically like you did outside, just sequestered. Recidivism rates are super low. In America, we have to contend with institutionalized racism. It sucks.”

—jenmas

4.“Your word is everything. Breaking your word puts you roughly on par with a sex offender. You give your word on something, it needs to be gospel. Someone gives you theirs, assume it is too — and be ready to go if it isn’t.”

—u/Cerinthus

5.“Everything is for sale, or at least has a market value. Don’t do anything for free unless it’s for someone you know.”

—u/Cerinthus

6.“Sustained eye contact means you’re starting something. Someone makes it with you, assume they’re sizing you up.”

—u/Cerinthus

7.“Current prisoner here in the Philippines. Anything can be smuggled in if you pay the right guards — even sex workers. Money is power.”

“You can get away with almost anything if you have enough money.”

—u/TotallyDepraved

8.“There are people to avoid, and if you have a decent celly (cellmate), they’ll point them out, somewhat like Shawshank.”

“I was in medium security for six months on credit card fraud, so I wasn’t near any expected dangerous people anyway, but there were still the territorial guys you were just better off avoiding.”

—u/ripplecutbuddha2

Related: “I Know You Aren’t Trying To Hurt Me.” Doctors, Nurses, And First Responders Are Revealing The Most “Haunting” Last Words They’ve Heard From A Patient

9.“Keep to yourself, and don’t stand out in any way. This also means don’t be the ‘funny’ guy who makes everyone laugh. You want to be as invisible as possible, really.”

“For the most part, it’s nothing like what you see in TV and movies. Don’t start anything, but be willing and able to defend yourself if need be.”

—[deleted user]

10.“Not being able to leave is incredibly frustrating and nearly impossible to put out of your mind. The entire time, part of your mind is raging at your captivity.”

—[deleted user]

11.“People gamble a lot. Sometimes you will enter a unit, and people gamble on everything. You wanna play chess? You need to gamble to play. Dominoes? Gamble to play. Basketball? Gamble.”

“I remember we watched The Bachelor, and we all had money on which woman the guy would kick off the show. Meanwhile, the guard is confused about why 30 people are all watching The Bachelor rose ceremony.”

—u/61pm61

12.“The guards just sat and watched YouTube all day and night. Seems like a dream job if you’ve got no soul.”

—u/DrMeowbutuSeseSeko

“Had an uncle who was a guard. Said it was the most soul-destroying job he’d ever had. He also said that most of the time, he got along better with the prisoners than with the other guards.”

—u/foul_ol_ron

Related: 26 People Who Had Overwhelming Gut Instincts They Couldn’t Ignore…And Were Right

13.“Not a longtimer here, but show everyone respect. If you bump into someone, it’s critical to say, ‘I’m sorry, I wasn’t paying attention.'”

“You never shake hands, you fist-bump. You can’t be nice to the guards — just polite. There are a LOT more illiterate people than I ever thought possible.”

—u/drank-too-much

14.“For me, the loss of everything outside of my body was the biggest shock. You don’t have anything they don’t want you to have when you first go in, so in a way, it’s like being born into a new world, but fully aware.”

—u/ripplecutbuddha2

15.“I was a female inmate in a state prison. Anyway, I know there’s a huge difference between men’s and women’s jails, and a huge difference between jail and prison. But one thing that no one tells you is that it’s going to be so boring. So endlessly boring.”

“For women’s and state prison, there are a lot of programs and jobs available to fill your time, but there’s always a wait — and you have to be in for a certain amount of time before you qualify for a lot of things. While I didn’t enjoy my stay there, I always ended up being able to make the most of it and have a good time.”

—u/chchchchia86

16.“Wear slippers in the shower, and shower every day. Not doing one of those gets you beat up here in California.”

—u/hb_simon

17.“Summer vacations. A friend of mine was recently locked up during summer months. Because guards take vacation the same time as everyone else, three days a week were spent on lockdown — meaning that one to two hours of outside time didn’t apply because of staff shortage.”

“He’s out now, and very thankful for his freedom.”

—u/FattyDD

18.“A friend of mine did some time. He had internet and PlayStation, and a chef made breakfast and dinner every day. They had to make lunch themselves with access to a full complimentary kitchen. Knives, cutlery, and so on were freely available.”

“They often went outside to shop groceries, and some even went to work. Basically, the only thing was to stay away from the sex offenders. This was a medium-security correctional facility in Norway.”

—u/Sensur10

19.“No one tells you how hungry you’re gonna be. The food sucks — and not just sucks; it’s absolutely not fit for human consumption. But you get hungry enough to eat it. They only serve 1,200 calories a day in women’s prison (at least mine did).”

—u/chchchchia86

20.“A lot of people were uneducated. No idea about geography, history, science, or anything. This led to me being a tutor in there for people taking the GED.”

—u/61pm61

21.“It’s WAY louder than you think it would be. There are always people who never seem to sleep.”

—[deleted user]

22.“There is a store there, and you can get anything you want. The way a store works is that one or two people in the unit have every possible commissary item you can get.”

“You want a bag of sour cream potato chips? He’ll give it to you, and next week, you owe two bags. Or you get two ramen soups and owe him three next week. I will never forget when Hurricane Sandy hit, and the unit ran out of coffee. People couldn’t function and stopped working out, and coffee throughout the jail was going for super-high prices.”

—u/61pm61

And finally…

23.“Try not to talk about your time or open up about how you are feeling about it. There’s always somebody who is going to do way more time than you and doesn’t want to hear it.”

“Let’s say you’re fighting a case, and that case has you doing 16 months. I understand that a lot of people would be stressed about it — I get it; jail sucks. That being said, try to keep that to yourself unless somebody you are cool with asks.”

—u/hb_simon

Note: Some responses have been edited for length and/or clarity.

Have you (or someone you know) ever been in prison? What was the surprising thing about your experience? If you feel comfortable sharing your story, you can use the comments or this anonymous form below.

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