Woman, 24, Asks If She Should Feel Guilty for Moving Out of Her Parents’ House and Leaving Them with Her ‘Demanding’ Brother, 4

A woman doesn’t know if she should take her next step and move out of her parents’ home.

The original poster (OP), 24, shared her story in the AITA subreddit and asked if she was in the wrong for wanting to move out and leave her parents’ home now that she has her own job. OP begins by saying she’s a lawyer and currently has a one-hour commute each way to work.

“I live with my parents and the atmosphere has become very toxic,” OP says. “My dad is very controlling and comments, for example. on why I work out in the morning before work (working out is honestly what I love the most and mornings feel like the only time I can actually do it.)”

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She goes on to explain that she also has a 4-year-old brother who is “very demanding.” OP is left with taking on a lot of her brother’s care to relieve her parents, which spans from bath time to diapers to park outings.

“If I decide to do something for me (example going to the movies, shopping, spin class, gym) my dad will always find a little something to say to make me feel guilty for doing something for me instead of staying home and help with my brother,” OP explains.

“The problem is, I’m constantly exhausted,” she says. “My workdays are long-ish and I’d love to have my own space where I can come home, rest, do my own thing in the evenings and enjoy my weekends without constant noise or responsibilities.”

OP also says that she sometimes feels like her living situation is holding her back at work because she can’t stay later if she needs to rush home to help her parents.

“At the same time, I feel guilty about the idea of leaving them to manage on their own,” she adds. “So AITA if I move out to have my own peace and focus on my career and personal life even if it feels like my parents will have more to handle with my brother?”

In her comments, OP received a lot of support from people who asked why she feels guilty for leaving her parents alone with their own kid.

“What? You feel guilty about leaving them to ‘manage on their own?’ These are two grown-ups looking after one 4-year-old,” one person wrote. “Wow, they have totally groomed you to feel guilty for not taking on THEIR responsibilities. This is their child, not yours.”

“I’d start looking for my own space, or with a friend, immediately. You are a working professional now and YOU need time, space, freedom. Go get it. Your parents will be fine.”

Another noted that she shouldn’t be accepting responsibility for her parents’ child.

“It is actually a bit unhealthy for you as a 24 yo adult with a professional career to be still living at home,” they say. “Go get your first apartment and spread your wings. You are not responsible for raising your little brother when his parents are alive.”

A third said that OP can offer to babysit once in a while, but should move out on her own.

“You have been parentified – as shown by your guilt in not doing what you perceive as your share of the parenting. The fact is, you don’t actually have a share of the parenting because you are not a parent,” they say.

“Are you paying to live with your parents? If you can’t afford to leave, I would reframe things by saying you’re willing to take on a fair share of household chores, but that care for your brother is a parenting task, which is the responsibility of his parents,” they continue. “Offer to babysit a couple of times a month, but beyond that they need to care for their own child.”

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