Woman’s date asked her to pay for a meal he got for free — was she wrong to refuse?

A woman shared her unusual dating experience online after her date expected her to pay for his meal — even though he had gotten it for free. The story quickly sparked debate, with many questioning his reasoning and others wondering if she was wrong to stand her ground.

In a post on a Reddit forum, she explained that she met the man for the first time at the restaurant he had chosen. He immediately went off to conduct some business with the restaurant owners, leaving her seated by herself for the first 15 minutes.

This was ok for her, but once he returned, they chatted for another 30 minutes, but he still wasn’t ready to order. As she said, “I decided to be a good sport about it,” she wrote, “even though I had been sitting at the table now for 45 minutes and hadn’t ordered anything but water yet.”

During their conversation, the man admitted he often traded goods with the restaurant in exchange for meals. He described it as a barter system: he would provide products worth a certain retail value, and in return, the restaurant would compensate him with food. She found the explanation logical, but it also made the situation unusual.

They eventually ate, and while the meal itself was fine, she decided for several reasons that the two weren’t a good match. The next day, she texted him to politely say she didn’t feel a spark and didn’t plan to see him again. That’s when the twist came: he told her she owed him money for her half of the dinner.

His reasoning? He said it was “customary” for a woman to pay her share if she decides a date won’t continue. She pushed back, pointing out that he hadn’t actually paid for the food at all, so there was no bill to split. So, she turned to Reddit, asking: Am I wrong for not paying for my meal when the restaurant didn’t even bring us a bill?

Reddit reactions

The community overwhelmingly sided with her. Many were shocked that the man not only kept her waiting but later tried to charge her for a meal he hadn’t paid for himself.

One commenter said:

“Weird situation. He was rude from the get go by making you wait, he could have set the date time for later so you wouldn’t have to sit there hungry.”

Another argued he could have handled it much differently:

“Should have shown up early and done all his business beforehand. Be waiting at the table for his date when she shows up. Have a normal date. Then, at the end, play the hero and tell her that he’s got the entire meal already covered for her, no need to pay at all. Don’t mention the side deal with the manager at all.”

Some pointed to a larger pattern of behavior:

“One thing I have noticed in my years is that people who consider themselves ‘hustlers’ take some weird pride in it and truly think that others are impressed by what they do.”

Being a hustler is not necessarily wrong, but if someone pushes it to the limits and thinks that they can get away with anything, then things get really awkward. One reader pointed out how strange the demand was:

“They also think they’re smarter than everyone and can get one over on others, like what he’s trying to do to op. Free meal + date pays him back = profit.”

Others were not that shy with their opinion and went all in.

“Yeah, this is the most amazing part to me. Dude, even if you paid for the meal…that’s just the cost of living your life. You had a pleasant conversation with someone, and it didn’t lead to sex/relationship, so you wanna be paid for your time (because the meal was free)?!”

Readers agreed the man was out of line, calling his behavior manipulative and petty. Many urged the woman never to see him again.

The dating etiquette question: who should pay?

This story taps into a recurring debate: who should cover the bill on a first date? Traditional etiquette suggests that the person who does the inviting should pay, unless there’s a clear agreement otherwise. Many modern daters choose to split the check, both for fairness and to avoid awkwardness.

But experts agree on one thing. Whatever the arrangement, it should be clear and fair. Asking someone to pay retroactively, especially when no money actually exchanged hands, is widely seen as poor form. As one etiquette guide puts it, a date is about connection, not compensation.

Practical takeaway

Clear expectations go a long way in avoiding awkward arguments. If you invite someone out, be prepared to pay or agree to split the bill upfront. Don’t spring costs on someone afterward, and never treat a date like a transaction. In the end, respect, honesty, and transparency make for much better first impressions than surprise invoices.