Millennials And Gen X Are Explaining Why They Don’t Call Their Boomer Parents Anymore

If your baby boomer parents ever complained that you never call them anymore, you’re not alone. Recently, on the r/GenX subreddit, user TonkaCrush shared a familiar story, “My parents are almost in their 80s, and they feel like they never need to call me. However they expect me to always call them.”

“I used to call three times a week. I’ve slowed it down to once a week, and they tell me I don’t call enough. I respond with, ‘Well, you guys can always pick up the phone.'”

“Just wondering if anyone else’s parents are like this? My mother-in-law will call my wife (and vice versa) at least once a week. I just don’t understand this mentality that the children must call the parents.”

People had A LOT to say — the post had over 4,200 comments! Here are some of the best and most interesting replies.

Some commenters agreed with the OP that their parents had unreasonable communication expectations:

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1.“Every time I call her, my mother tells me, ‘You never call me.’ I call her once a week. She NEVER misses an opportunity to let everyone know that I never call her. I’ve been putting up with her passive aggressive BS for so long that I can’t remember any positive moments we’ve had together.”

—RhodiumPlated

2.“My dad says he doesn’t see me enough. I live two hours away. He’s done the drive exactly twice in 19 years, but he drives much farther for camping trips and to visit other people. Every time he says it, I remind him that the highway I take to get to his house also goes the other way, and he can easily drive it to my house.”

—mozisgawd

3.“My mom did the ‘you never call’ thing. I never called because I didn’t want to talk to her. Now she’s in dementia care, and my dad calls me weekly or more. I love it. I call him sometimes, too.”

—elysiumstarz

4.“Phone calls with my mom go like this:”

“Mom: Hello?

Me: Hi Mom, how are you?

Mom: Terrible. I haven’t eaten in four days.

Me: OMG, what’s wrong? Why haven’t you eaten?

Mom: I didn’t want to have food in my mouth in case you called.”

—Xistential0ne

5.“I have parents in the silent generation, and it’s the same thing. They expect me to call them.”

—Glitt3rBomb

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6.“My parents were the same, starting when I went to college. Now I refuse to play that game. I call when I want to, get told it has been too long, remind them that the phone works both ways, and then we do it again about six weeks later. We are never going to have a close, healthy, loving relationship, and that was their choice. “

—MadAstrid

7.“I used to call and text my mom, but she just dumps on me for two hours each time and never asks about my kids or me. She just complains about the consequences of her terrible economic and romantic decisions, interspersed with stories about my sister’s kid (who she spends lots of time with). I’m fine with not being the favorite, but I’m not giving her more than a call every quarter or so. I’m too busy making my kids feel like they have enough family with just their dad and me.”

—Sar_of_NorthIsland

8.“My in-laws (who I otherwise adore) are far too confrontation-averse to ever say anything, but they are always hurt that we don’t call more often. The easy solution seems to be that the phone works two ways. They can call us? They have never called us in over 26 years. This is baffling to me.”

—Cleanclock

9.“My dad would call every Sunday. Then he’d get mad that I never called him and stop calling. It was silly. I was like, ‘Dad, we talk once a week. My life is not that exciting!'”

—EstimateAgitated224

Meanwhile, other commenters had a completely different perspective on the issue:

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10.“You’re working. They aren’t. They have unlimited free time, but they don’t know when you’re free to talk.”

—One_Local5586

11.“Not sure if you have kids, but it’s really hard when they grow up and move on. My oldest just finished his first semester of college, and it was brutal after he moved into the dorm. You go from seeing him every day and being a part of his life to almost no contact when he meets new people and has a life away from you. It honestly felt like a divorce. Add to that your parents getting older and seeing the upcoming end to their lives, and they really just want to be around you. That’s not to say you are required to go back to calling them three times a week, but have some patience with them.”

—JJQuantum

12.“My parents never wanted to bother me in case I was busy, so they never called. I always called them. No big deal.”

—Deesidequine

13.“I don’t call my 40-year-old son very often because I don’t want to be a burdensome old lady. I know he’s very busy, and I want him to have the freedom to live his own life. An unexpected phone call is probably going to come at a bad time. That doesn’t mean I don’t love him — quite the contrary! We do text every week or so. I love him with all my heart. ❤️”

—mama146

14.“My ailing in-laws are in their 80s and live right next door. My 12-year-old son goes over there every night before bed and kisses them goodnight. They tell us it’s the highlight of their entire day. For your parents, a call from their loved one is just a reminder that there’s someone out there who still deeply cares about them.”

—SillyDistractions

15.“A friend gave me the best advice after a particularly annoying call when my mom was alive. He said that even if she got on my nerves, I should remember there will be a day when I’ll wish she was on the phone, annoying me. Until the day she died, I followed that advice. I absorbed her voice (and love) through the phone into the deepest part of my heart and memory.”

—Beautiful_Dinner_675

16.“I think they just want to feel thought of and cared for. Just call. 💗”

—farahwhy

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17.“I get your frustration 200%. You are right. But keep in mind that you don’t know how much longer you will have them. You don’t want regrets.”

—gumyrocks22

After reading all the comments on their post, TonkaCrush came back to offer some final thoughts: “My intent with this post was not meant to upset anyone. I just wanted to know if other people’s boomer parents have these expectations too.”

“I do call my parents and visit on a regular basis, even though my father will immediately pass the phone off to my mother when he hears I’m on the line. She asks how I am, but whenever I begin to talk, she will interrupt me and make the conversation about her. She doesn’t really listen or pay attention when I do speak, just kind of waits for an opportunity to start talking.

When I visit, I get criticized about my appearance. I’m too fat, I’m too skinny and need to eat, my hair is too long, my beard is gray, etc. It’s nothing new — I’m sure some of you hear it from your parents as well. I take it in stride, along with their negativity and constant complaining about how my older brother really never calls them. (Gee, I wonder why.)”

“With all their flaws and annoyances, they are still my parents, and I’m happy they’re still with us. I do believe that in ANY relationship (romantic, platonic, or familial), communication should be a two way street. My parents are old school and likely learned this behavior from their parents. I don’t agree with their mentality, but I slightly understand it a little better now.”

H/T r/GenX

Some replies have been edited for length and clarity.

This is clearly a divisive issue, and I want to know what you think! Who is in charge of maintaining the communication between parents and their adult children? Is this problem unique to boomers? Drop your thoughts in the comments! Or, fill out the anonymous form below. Your response could be featured in an upcoming BuzzFeed Post.

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