13 Things People Only Romanticize Because They’ve Never Actually Done Them, And I Totally Understand Where They’re Coming From

While a certain thing might look glamorous from the outside, it can be a lot of work to do when you’re actually in the middle of it. So when we asked the BuzzFeed Community: “What’s something people only romanticize because they’ve never actually done it?” so many people shared their thoughts below.

1.“Motherhood! It is a gift I wouldn’t trade for the world, but holy shit, no one tells you how all-consuming it is. The anxiety, guilt, exhaustion, and feeling like you lost yourself. I felt bitter for some time that no one told me the ugly parts until I was already in it.”

—Anonymous, 30, Atlanta

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2.“Farming. Both Boomers (in the ’70s) and Millennials (more recently) seem to have a group of folks who romanticized farming and ‘getting back to nature.’ Reality is that farming is often back-breaking work from before dawn (not at dawn or after dawn) until dark. The equipment is very expensive, requiring you to buy on credit or lease it, creating never-ending debt, but if you don’t do it, you will fall behind and not sell enough. The market for your products can tank, leaving you in even more debt, or a harvest can fail. You have to hire help or have a large enough family who can pitch in. There are a number of zoning rules and health codes that can be hard to meet on an older farm, but newer farms cost too much. No sick days allowed (livestock require care every single day), and vacations are rare (if you can afford them). It is a hard and expensive life that only a few can truly handle.”

—adrianw440bbeae3

3.“Living in a small or smaller town. I can say from personal experience that while the slower pace is nice in comparison to bigger cities, there’s not a lot of privacy either. Not to mention driving an hour out of town to get any real errands or shopping done.”

—Anonymous

4.“The most stressed out I ever was at my grocery store job was when I was in management. To be fair, part of that time was during the start of the pandemic, which sucked for most people. But asking for a demotion was the best thing I did for my mental health.”

—Betherick85

5.“Marriage. There is so much hype around marriage, especially for women, beginning when we’re little girls. Finding Mr. Right, anticipating the proposal, the engagement, the shower, the parties and festivities leading up to the actual wedding day. Then reality sinks in: finances, kids, in-laws, balancing life and careers… the list goes on. I believe marriage is portrayed in a much more romanticized way than it actually is in reality. And now, with everyone living their lives on social media, the cycle continues. They don’t show the hard work, compromise, and maintenance involved, and often, it isn’t pretty.”

—Anonymous, 54, Los Angeles

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6.“Buying land and putting your own house on it. The whole process to build the house was so awful that I almost didn’t want the place by the time it was done.”

—Anonymous

7.“Working in a chocolate shop! It’s a nightmare and not at all romantic — and Valentine’s Day is the worst! Non-stop chaos from open to close and largely because of chocolate-covered strawberries! The shop gets filthy. There are always a few employees hogging the register, and no one else gets a chance. Employees are judged by their sales, and if they don’t sell enough, they could lose their jobs. Management doesn’t do a thing about the register hogs. Yeah, very romantic.”

—Anonymous

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8.“Moving to Japan. It is not all anime, technology, and 7-Eleven. It is working long hours for low pay and is quite isolating. I managed to get settled, but I know many who fall into depression or leave the country quite quickly. Amazing place for a holiday, but don’t expect the same experience if you choose to live here.”

—Anonymous, 32, Japan

9.“Owning a house. It sounds awesome; it’s yours. Until you realize all the costs are also yours, and it’s actually not yours but the bank’s, and you have to pay and arrange everything. New heater, your problem. Leaking roof, you pay. And if you don’t pay for repairs, the bank can take the house from you for neglect because it’s still theirs.”

—dietarycharger

10.“Yes, business travel. It seems cool and it is for a bit, but when you do it once a month or more, it’s absolutely exhausting, and dealing with what feels like never-ending jet lag sucks.”

—bmoney

11.“Being a chef. Romantics would have you believe it’s a world of cooking, great food, and top restaurants. Uh no. It’s hot, demanding, and exhausting work under people who sometimes have no business being in charge of toilet paper, let alone a restaurant. It’s hours and hours on your feet, working all hours, dealing with the public, and a LOT of stress.”

—Anonymous, 53, Virginia

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12.“As someone who’s been diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder and severe anxiety, I was to open-hand smack people when they romanticize depression or claim to be depressed when they’re just bummed out. Depression is no joke; not feeling excited, inspired, or happy about anything truly sucks. Flat affect sucks.”

—missmissymaria143

13.“Meeting your idol. Thinking they would be just like they are on film and talk shows. Turns out, your idols aren’t anything like what you thought they were, and that’s hard to take when you used to have such affection for them.”

—babycapricorn129

What’s a thing people only romanticize because they’ve never actually done it? Tell us what it is and why in the comments or anonymously in the Google Form below:

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