Lifestyle
Older People Are Opening Up About What’s It’s Like To Age In Today’s Society, And It’s Heartbreaking
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Getting older is something we’re all experiencing, and people over 60 on Reddit are finding solace with one another by sharing their honest thoughts about aging. An anonymous person said, “I’m 63, healthy as far as I know, work out five to six days a week. Good marriage, good job, etc. I’m just very aware that the reality of aging is that the future will increasingly bring loss, not gain, and I’m just not up for it. Anyone else feel this way?”
“Other than the fact that IDGAF about a lot of things anymore, I don’t notice any ‘benefits from aging.’ Quite the opposite. And the reality is that, no matter how we choose to look at it, aging brings loss,” they added.
A lot of users chimed in, sharing their personal thoughts. Here’s what they had to say:
1.“Aging for me has given me these benefits: 1) I no longer need to get up every morning and follow the rules given to me to earn money to live. 2) I have a lot more autonomy and free time. 3) I have more life experience. 4) My way of thinking changed, so I am a lot happier. 5) I’m more settled in life. 6) I’m less fearful.”
—u/togtogtog
Elderly person with a dog sits on a rock, gazing at the ocean during a sunset
2.“I’m only 61, and I joke that everything I do is to try not to die right now. At this point, things like business pursuits, household tasks, community activities, and friends and family time feel like life-sustaining activities.”
—u/MxEverett
3.“The viewpoint that comes with being around for that long is difficult to understand. I’m a seven-year cancer survivor, and while that entire episode was a blip, I DID plan my funeral, which is an eye-opening thing to do if you never have. We ALL know our days are numbered; there is no escape from that fact. When you DO get a glance into the abyss, you don’t forget it. The crap that seemed important earlier in our lives merely loses its panache when compared to the seriousness of one’s final days. Some sit on the sidelines of life, refusing to be injured, while others have weathered injury before and realize that it’s essential to the game. In the end, you can lie on your deathbed, remembering, rejoicing, and lamenting the deeds of life. Or, you can lie there, revisiting old, ancient wounds and grudges, wondering just what all you might have missed out on had you but tried.”
—u/fredfarkle2
A person gently holds the hand of an older adult, conveying care and support
4.“I’m 68 years old. I have several health issues, along with having my right leg amputated a few years back. You know what I think about as I age? I’m lucky to be alive and live the best possible life. I try really hard not to compare myself to others. Granted I live on disability, and I can’t do a lot of what I once did, but I feel good about how I feel about myself. I have good friends I hang out with. Most of my immediate family members passed away when I was in my 30s. I have one sister left, who I love and enjoy dearly. I try not to think too much about the ‘what ifs.’ You never know what the future will bring. Just get up and fight the good fight every day. Make the best out of your situation. Enjoy your life.”
—u/No_Entertainment2322
A man sits on a bed, gazing out a window framed by curtains, suggesting a moment of contemplation or solitude
5.“As corny as it sounds, everything gets a season. I grow a lot of garden plants — some annuals, and some perennials. Humans are annuals. We get just a season, put off our fruit/seeds, and then it’s time to go. I don’t see it as ‘loss,’ I see it as the nature of things. Right now I’m still leaving my mark here and there until I’m done. Take the small positives of the day or the week. Do a favor or create something nice, write a letter, or give advice. Be the good energy in the room instead of the person everyone avoids. People can read your energy, so make sure to stay positive and do the ‘glass half full’ thing on the daily. It makes for a much better life than always having existential dread hanging over you like a cloud.”
—u/thewoodsiswatching
6.“I’m a 72-year-old widower who has attended too many funeral services for very healthy, robust longtime friends who suddenly struck down out of nowhere by accident or disease. So, I stopped worrying about everything and just live every day like it is my last on earth.”
—Anonymous
An elderly woman in a cozy sweater sits at a table, covering her face with her hands, a tablet in front of her
7.“My husband and I talk about this a lot — that if there are things we still want to do, we need to do them sooner rather than later. It really hit us when we turned 60. We’ve lost parents and loved ones; our family holidays are not the same and never will be. It’s life, but there’s a sadness to a lot of the changes. And I think we’re being realistic that our physical and mental health will almost definitely decline in the upcoming decades. I don’t care how good shape you’re in at 80; it’s still 80, and you won’t be as robust as 50 or 60. But with that said, I feel up to it. Some of the changes are exciting, and I’m interested to see what the future holds. It’s wonderful to see my now adult child as a grown-up with their own life, job, interests, etc. I moved to another country and changed jobs in my late 50s. Life is an adventure, not a slog.”
“I think you need to be realistic but also find something to be excited about and interested in. Maybe it’s all downhill from now on in some ways, but some people have been feeling that way since their 30s or 40s! Flip the switch — you have a good life, enjoy today, and make plans for tomorrow. All these good things are a gift, enjoy it!!!”
—u/2seriousmouse
8.“I’m 64 and run three to five miles every morning, lift weights four days a week, eat healthy, and take lots of different vitamin supplements. My wife, however, is 55, a hospice nurse, and does none of these. She often asks me why I go to all of this trouble since, in the next few years, my muscles will sag, and since it runs in my family, I’m sure to get Alzheimer’s. I try to explain to her that although we all age, I’m trying to keep myself in the best shape possible so that I can enjoy as many years as possible. I look for the good. Yes, I have arthritis in my right hand, so I can’t go shooting my large caliber handguns much anymore, but I am physically in much better shape than many if not most, people my age. We have to get older, but we don’t have to accept as a fact that we will be decrepit and senile.”
—u/TexanInNebraska
Man jogging down a tree-lined path, wearing a white t-shirt and black shorts, surrounded by lush greenery
9.“It weighs more heavily on me every year. Same with thinking about dying. Scares the hell out of me…”
—u/paralacausa
“Dying doesn’t scare me. It actually comforts me to a certain extent. However, HOW I might die does scare me. And if it’s going to be a dark road, I plan on going out while the street lights are still burning.”
—Anonymous
10.“I think about this a lot. It’s hard to hit a point where you feel like your ‘easiest healthiest’ years are behind you, and I wish I could go back to my 20s/30s self and tell myself to take better care of my body, but I am now trying to do what I can while also enjoying life. I try to find that balance where I’m not miserable because all I eat is kale, but also not eating Twix every day. My dad was diagnosed with Parkinson’s a few years ago, and that’s tough to watch because there is nothing you can do to prevent it or solve it. No one gets to their deathbed and wishes they worked more hours. They all wish they did more with their free time and loved ones, so I think it’s best if we prioritize those things and not think too much about the ticking clock (but I get it; I think about it probably too much).”
—u/CandiceKS
A woman is sitting on a couch with her face in her hands, comforted by two children hugging her
11.“At 66 all of my loss is already behind me. In fact, I’ve lost everything so often that I’m fully convinced that I’ve never had anything. But there’s nothing quite as nice as a clean slate. I’m at a very pleasant cruising altitude with a strong and steady tailwind at my back. I plan on living the rest of my life in silence, peace, and happiness. What’s done is done, and I’m now done with what’s done. I focus on what’s left to do.”
—u/poetplaywright
12.“I’m 66 and have friends in their 80s. Some of them struggle with their health; others are still going strong. I try to focus on what’s happening now, taking as good care as I can to keep myself healthy and hope for the best. My folks lived into their 90s in their own home, not without health issues, but they were able to remain independent. That’s what I’m shooting for.”
—u/Separate_Farm7131
A person in a wheelchair is sitting indoors, looking out a window with floral curtains, appearing contemplative or reflective
13.“I’m in my late 70s and have lost all my lifelong friends. I was never really close to family — I have lost my creative juices and most of my hearing. I have an energy-sucking form of mild leukemia, and arthritic pain makes many of my joints unusable. It sucks. The only thing that keeps me going is my love for my wife. I struggle with depression over lost friends, the general tragedy of life, the flawed nature of humanity, the darkness rising in the world, and an acute sense of my limits and flaws. Yet, my sense of the value of compassionate love continues to make the struggle worth the effort. My advice is not to worry about your future but to place your energy in learning how to find the value of compassionate love. In the end, nothing else matters.”
— u/Oldhamii
14.“I’m 65 and consumed by thoughts of mortality and things related to that. I’m not scared of passing; I’m scared of my wife passing first or even the thoughts of my cat’s passing. When I lay down at night, it hits hard. The past ten years have brought so much loss; I’m shell-shocked. I obsess over it sometimes. I have no one I can turn to when I become feeble. I’m in perfect health and actually worried I may live too long. I know intellectually that is not rational, but that does not prevent those thoughts from consuming me at times.”
—u/artful_todger_502
Elderly person with hand covering face, sitting at a table, appearing contemplative or distressed
15.“I just turned 65 and I do my part to stay healthy and fit. Both of my parents died young. Mom at 29 and Dad at 40. Both of cancer. Neither lived a healthy lifestyle. I grew up thinking dying young would probably be my fate also, but at 65, I’m still here. So I just try to enjoy each day that I’m here and well because, at this point, it’s all a bonus for me.”
—u/Mean-Association4759
Person sitting on porch with arm around large dog, overlooking a scenic rural landscape with trees and fields
16.“Don’t soil your now with your thoughts of what the future might bring…”
“The truth is, we never quite know what the future will be like. When you are 3, and you think of being 10, it seems so mature. When you are 10, and you imagine being 16 and what it will be like, it is never how it actually turns out.
What did you imagine 63 would be like when you were 20?
You don’t actually know how you will age or when you will die. This might be your last day on earth! Thinking does change as you age. When you are young, you can always imagine a future when all of your problems are solved. Of course, there never is a day when all of your problems are solved. They just change into different problems.
I try my best to really notice all the good of today rather than focusing on potential problems that may or may not arise in a possible future that I may never live to see. Instead of thinking about my arthritic knees, I notice that I don’t need to use hearing aids.
I’ve noticed so many benefits from aging. I no longer have to work. I’m happier in my own skin. I worry much less about many different things. I’ve experienced living through things I worried about, and often, they worked out fine in the end.
I do try to make sure that I have a range of interests and friends, things I could enjoy without so much physical fitness so that as I’m no longer able to enjoy my physical hobbies, I will still have a rich and full life.
I find the very old people that I know very interesting, especially if I clearly remember them being my own age. I’ve seen them age. I’ve seen how happy they have been at different times in their life. Their happiness doesn’t correlate very strongly to how able they have been at any one time.”
—u/togtogtog
Note: Some submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.
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